Tig and Tai 5
by Lion warrior
Summary: Po is trying to get Tai-lung a girlfriend but when his efforts are futile, Tigress steps in.


Tig and Tai 5

 **Own Nothing**

* * *

A discouraged panda stumbled through the halls of the barracks. Po received a letter from a personal friend that had... bad news. Po plopped down in a chair in the kitchen. "Ugh! This is impossible. Who knew I could be so bad at this?" The panda whined.

"At what?"

"AHHHH!" Po jumped out of his seat and tumbled to the floor. He rolled up and saw Tigress and Crane looking at him, puzzled. Then Po remembered the letter. "Nothing," Po obviously lied.

"Po, what's going on?"

"Nothing, I promise," Po cheesily smiled.

"Po." Tigress grumbled annoyed, "Give me the paper."

"Please, I promise it's nothing!" Po exclaimed, trying to pull the paper away from the tiger. Tigress pried the paper out and read it while pushing the panda away with one hand. "Come on, Tigress. I'm serious!"

"'I'm sorry, Po. But I can not come to the Jade Palace to meet your special guest. I have recently become married and am unavailable at this time. Sorry,'" Tigress read aloud. She was too confused to be... well... any kind of emotion. "What's going on?"

"Po, you better not be trying to hook me up with someone again," Crane warned.

"No, it's nothing like that," Po sighed. "I want to find a girlfriend for Tai-Lung."

"Why?" Crane asked.

"Because he does deserve one," Po pointed out.

"Um... Po, even if Tai-Lung and I have stopped fighting, for the most part, that doesn't mean that he 'deserves' a girlfriend," Tigress replied, "Plus, what were you going to tell this... who were you messaging?"

"My old music teacher."

"Right, how were you going to explain to her that he's the infamous Tai-Lung?"

"I hadn't thought of that," Po muttered discouraged under his breath. Tigress smiled as she rested her hand on his shoulder.

"What you're doing is considerate, but I think Tai-Lung is just fine. If things go well, he'll find someone."

"Or just go to the local brothel," Crane murmured. The panda and tiger glared at the bird. "What? Can't I say anything practical anymore?"

"No, it's just interesting that this is coming from the person who falls into a crush just as easily as Po falls on the stairs."

"You know, you're the only person that can insult two people at once," Crane muttered. "And that was one time."

"Anyways, I'm sure that Tai-Lung wouldn't want anyone from a harem," Po sighed. Then he got an idea. "Wait... maybe... That's it!"

"Po, you are not getting a prostitute for Tai-Lung," Tigress sternly said.

"No, no. I know that. I'm talking about the harem idea. Song's still in charge of the Ladies of the Umbrellas," Po mentioned.

"I thought it was Ladies of the Shade," Crane corrected.

"Whatever. Anyways, one of those ladies is bound to know someone that's available for Tai-Lung."

"Yes, but what about Tai-Lung's preference? He would have to look over the girls first. I'm not going to make this into a beauty pageant, Po," Tigress said.

"Come on, what's the worst that can happen?" Po asked. Tigress and Crane looked at each other.

"We're talking about you, right?"

"Ugh, I'll find Zeng," Po grumbled, stepping outside of the kitchen.

"You really think that he's going to find Tai-Lung a suitable mate?" Crane asked.

"Po's done the impossible before," Tigress answered. Tigress thought to herself. "But... there is someone that could... hmm."

"Oh no, you're not on board with his crazy plan too, are you?" Crane groaned. Tigress smirked.

"He is my boyfriend." Tigress went to her room to get a piece of paper and start making some letters.

Later,

"AHHHH!" Po screamed in frustration. "No, no, no, no, no!" Po yelled. The male snow leopard popped into his room, seeing scattered papers all over the floor.

"Am I interrupting something?" Tai-Lung asked. Po jumped a bit but calmed down when he saw it was Tai.

"Oh, how are you?" Po sighed.

"I guess better than you are. What's wrong?"

"I've been trying to find some woman for this friend of mine," Po cryptically replied. Tai-Lung rolled his eyes.

"This guy wouldn't happen to have spots, gray fur, and be standing in your room right now, would he?" Tai-Lung asked. Po sighed and nodded. He didn't have the strength to lie. "Well, what have you tried doing?"

"I asked my friend who leads a group of warrior ladies to ask around. It's kind of hard to find someone who's your age and isn't afraid of you," Po muttered.

"Well, it's my burden to bear," Tai-Lung said in a pretentious noble tone. Po rolled his eyes and huffed. "Don't worry, Po. I know that I messed up my chances to get into a relationship with anyone in China. It's just something I have to live with."

"But you've been here for about 5 years," Po sighed, "I would think that people would have changed their minds by now."

"It's alright. If push comes to shove, I'll just visit the local brothel," Tai-Lung snickered.

"Hehe, just make sure that Tigress doesn't catch you," Po advised. Just then, both of them heard talking just outside of the barracks. They went outside and saw Tigress talking to a female feline. Tai-Lung's eyes widened.

"Who's that?"

"Oh, that's Mei-Ling. She used to be a fighter at the academy that Crane was a janitor at-"

"Wait, the bird used to be a janitor?"

"Keep up," Po muttered. "I wonder why she's here." Po went up, leaving Tai-Lung in the entrance of the barracks and introduced himself. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Oh, Po, you know Mei-Ling, Crane's friend?"

"I know of her, but I've never met her. It's so awesome to see you in person. What was Crane like? Did he have a weird hairdo back then? Oh, oh, oh! Did the- OW!" Tigress shut the panda up by pulling his ear.

"As you can see, the panda is often very... talkative," Tigress grumbled with a smile. Mei-Ling simply giggled.

"I understand, Crane mentioned a lot about you, Dragon Warrior," Mei-Ling replied, bowing. Her eyes glanced over to the doorway of the barracks where Tai-Lung stood in a careful watch. His eyes darted to the floor when the mountain lion looked at him. "And is that... Tai-Lung?"

"Yes, and I know, he's a bad guy, why is he here-"

"No need to explain, Po. I told her the whole situation," Tigress answered. Po looked at Tigress then to Mei.

"And you still... came?" Po asked the mountain lion.

"Of course, to see Cra- I mean, Master Crane. Besides, I've always wanted to visit the Grand Jade Palace."

"Then let's get on with the tour. Po, could you show her around?" Tigress asked. As the panda did so, Mei-Ling gave one last passing glance at Tai-Lung. She didn't seem angry or frightened. It seemed like she was... intrigued. Tigress walked up to the snow leopard.

"Why did you call her here?" Tai asked curiously.

"I have a right to contact anyone I choose," Tigress defensively replied.

"Tigress, you know what I mean."

"She came to my mind once I was looking at the scrolls that Po sent to other women. I decided to see if she would be... candidate for you."

"Not you too," Tai-Lung groaned.

"But it doesn't look like you're rejecting her. And she does seem to at least be interested in you... surprisingly," Tigress joked.

"Haha," Tai-Lung blandly laughed.

"But does she seem to interest you?" Tai-Lung was silent for a while.

"She's... pretty," Tai-Lung answered honestly, "But I don't need people searching for women to be my wife."

"I said I would get you a girlfriend," Tigress replied, "It's your decision whether or not you'll take it." With that, the tiger left. Tai-Lung wandered to the Training Hall to get his frustrations out, but he couldn't stop thinking about Mei-Ling. She was beautiful. That was plain, but honestly, Tai-Lung didn't know how to... approach her. He was the infamous Tai-Lung, the feared criminal of the whole country. It would be a miracle if even one female around his age remotely liked him.

He also didn't know how to talk to women in that manner. Sure he knew how to talk to Viper and Tigress, but inside of dating perimeters? No. Tai-Lung stopped his training when he heard a noise. It was different so he was alarmed. "Who's there?"

"Wow, they were right to say you have good hearing," said a voice behind a pillar. Tai-Lung's eyes widened when he saw the mountain lion.

"I...I thought that you were with Po on the tour," Tai-Lung stumbled as she walked towards him.

"Yes, but I wanted to get to know everyone in the Jade Palace, especially you," She replied with a smirk. Tai-Lung stepped back, examining her. Not her body, but her motives.

"Why are you here?"

"I told you I-"

"No, I mean, what's your motive? You know who I am. Why bother being around me? Don't I scare you?" Tai-Lung asked, giving a fake scary face to the female mountain lion. Mei-Ling giggled.

"I've seen scarier things in my life."

"Name one."

"Crane's cooking."

"Yep, that'll do it," Tai-Lung muttered. "But... you do understand why I ask, right?" Mei-Ling was silent for a moment.

"You... you don't look like how I pictured you would."

"Thank you?"

"What I mean is... I thought that the infamous Tai-Lung would look like they were born evil. That every smile was an evil grin. That every laugh would be one that rivaled a witch's."

"I don't laugh like an old hag," Tai-Lung replied offended. Mei-Ling smirked.

"But... I don't see that. I see a handsome fit gentleman that currently is afraid of what a little old woman like me will do to him," Mei-Ling replied bluntly.

"This is true," Tai-Lung said unphased. "Except the old part. You don't look like you're a day over 40." She really didn't.

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Mei-Ling smirked, turning her back to leave. Tai-Lung gently grabbed her hand and turned her around.

"No, I mean it. And... Most of my... pursuits in anything relationships wise has led to... consequences," Tai-Lung answered honestly. Mei-Ling smirked mischievously as she walked her fingers on his bare chest.

"Well, consequences can be good or bad. It depends on which one you want," Mei-Ling replied with a wink as she turned to leave.

"Are you trying to seduce me, ma'am," Tai-Lung asked with a laugh.

"Only if you _want_ to be seduced," Mei-Ling replied going out the door. Tai-Lung... followed. Behind a pillar, Po and Tigress saw everything. Po pouted at the tiger's knowing grin.

"So you're the better matchmaker, big deal," The panda huffed. Tigress just laughed.

 **The End**

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 **Normally, I don't do this kind of thing, but I am writing a full-length Kung Fu Panda story right now, but it's M-Rated. No, kids, you can not see this. It doesn't have any bad language or massive killing, or "MAJOR" inappropriate things. Once you read the first two chapters, then you'll understand why I made it M-Rated. I just didn't want you guys to think that I completely stuck to Oneshots. But if your parents do allow you to read some edgy stuff (Be honest) then the story I'm writing is "It is Well with My Soul" if you want to see.**


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